There are no tags on any of my child’s clothes. When she needs new clothes, we spend hours in dressing rooms trying to find ones that are comfortable. Deeply intuitive, in need of quiet downtime, challenged by change, a perfectionist, she is not alone. There are, in fact, two people in my family of four who fall into the 20% of the population known for being highly sensitive.
Elain Aron, Ph.D. is the author of The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them. She herself was often misunderstood and even shamed for being too sensitive.Elain writes, “… it is primarily parenting that decides whether the expression of sensitivity will be an advantage or a source of anxiety.” Because a highly sensitive person (HSP) brain works differently, they need understanding and support. Homeschooling can offer a highly sensitive child the environment they need to thrive.
Below, you’ll find ways to help your child embrace the gift of sensitivity.
There is Nothing Wrong With Your Child
While a child who is highly sensitive may respond differently to situations and stimuli than their siblings or peers, they should be assured their responses are not wrong. They are born with a nervous system that is highly aware. Highly Sensitive Children (HSC) are also often intuitive, creative, empathetic, and reflective. They tend to be conscientious, in tune with their senses, and have a rich inner life. Loud noises, smells, textures, tastes, or change can be a true challenge for your HSC child. Therefore, it is important to give assurance that it’s okay to be who they are.
Setting Matters
Maybe sitting at the kitchen table with talkative siblings or loud co-op classes aren’t a great fit for your HSC and hinder their learning more than they help them. They may need time in a quiet room, or to be able to listen to music or audiobooks while they work on math. Skipping loud activities or ones that require uncomfortable clothing is okay and sometimes necessary.
My child loves her biweekly wilderness class but struggles to wear the layers necessary to participate in winter. Going there in the winter is painful for her. We’ve realized until she’s able to handle snowsuits and being bundled, it’s best to sit out that season. We find other ways for her to experience nature. And we make sure on the warmer winter days, she gets plenty of time outside.
Support Their Efforts
It’s hard to want to do things that feel uncomfortable, but sometimes a highly sensitive child wants to push themselves through their discomfort. When my HSC tries to push past what is uncomfortable, I’ve found it is important she’s in control. My role is to remind her she can do hard things. And I strive to be supportive when she needs a break or to try again another time.
I recently watched her determination pay off. Every year we attend a mother-daughter camp with a huge rock wall. She is very much challenged by the feeling of the harness. The first year, she quietly cried the entire time it was on. Determined to climb, wearing the harness was a major accomplishment. The second year, she spent a good thirty minutes adjusting the harness before she was ready to climb. This year, she put it on, looked at me with her this is so uncomfortable face and headed for the wall. While it’s hard to watch my child struggle when she chooses to do so, it’s important I give her the time and space she needs.
Allow Time
Sometimes we are late to classes, and getting out the door takes a lot of time. We’ve discovered a few helpful tricks to make this easier:
make sure her comfy clothes are clean
give a lot of transition time
keep her bag packed with all the things she might need
Sometimes, she just needs a few extra minutes. The alternative to giving her this time is not attending classes or rushing her, which leads to tears and fighting. While we have gone in both directions, extra time is always the better option. When it’s hard to be patient, I try to remind myself she is not defiant or lazy. She would much rather jump in the car and be comfortable.
Offer Alternatives
While it can be hard and even frustrating to figure out an HSC’s needs and triggers, it’s important they have what they need to feel comfortable. My best advice is to take them with you when you buy clothes, school supplies, and food. Let them touch, smell, and pick out things that appeal to their senses.
Take note of what your child loves to touch and taste. Are they someone who craves things that are soft or rough? Foods that are hard like ice or mushy like applesauce? Do they need clothes that are tight or don’t have seams? Offer options and then let your child decide.
Again, it’s worth the time it takes to figure out the best pencils, pants, and foods that help an HSC feel their best. And it’s okay if the things they like or need are different from the rest of the family.
Communicate with Friends and Family
The research on Highly Sensitive People is not new. Unfortunately, neither is the tendency to label HSP as too sensitive. Friends and family might need help learning about what it means to be highly sensitive, and they might need gentle reminders. A well-intentioned family member who sees your child in a struggle can make the situation worse by raising their voice or telling them to get over it. Belittling a child’s need only creates shame and more struggle.
Communicate with friends and family, so that they know how to help when your child is having a hard time. Talking with them can also help them understand why certain gifts and activities need to be avoided. My family knows not to give my child clothes. They also know we don’t go to loud restaurants with multiple televisions blaring.
Identify Needs
Regardless of our child’s needs, we can help them to understand who they are and what they need.
They need to learn to identify their triggers and to recognize the things they enjoy and need. Help your child tap into their senses. Maybe you can play games where they touch a variety of textures or get out the spices and let them find their favorite smells. Help them collect the stuffed animals, blankets, music, and toys that bring them the most comfort. Create a special corner in their room for some of the things they love. Then, they know they can head there when they need a break.
My daughter has a basket of things she loves and sometimes needs. When she’s feeling overwhelmed, she can take it outside or to a quiet space in our home. She also knows that having a journal and pencil nearby is always helpful and has placed one in pretty much every room, car, and space she might be.
Help Your Child Advocate for Themselves
Once your child knows what they need, it’s vital we help them find their words so they can speak for themselves. People are going to ask why they always wear sweatpants or are having a hard time. They don’t need to feel embarrassed or to have a parent jump in and explain what is going on. Instead, we can empower our children by letting them know there is no shame in the truth.
I’ve heard my daughter tell both adults and children why she needs what she needs. Not only does advocating for herself help her embrace who she is, it helps her create deeper connections with the people in her life. They are given a chance to accept her for who she is.
When my daughter was four, we were talking about how she needs extra time. I’ll never forget her looking at me and saying, “I’m worth the extra time it takes, Mom.” She is, and so is every child and adult who needs extra time, certain clothes, foods, and settings.
Success is Attainable
Homeschooling a high sensitive child takes time and patience, just like homeschooling every child does. But it’s important we take the necessary steps to know what our HSC needs, help them know what they need, and make sure their home and learning environment supports them. Supporting our HSC does not mean they are never triggered or are always comfortable. It means we help them know they can do hard things, let them be who they are, and give them plenty of opportunities to find success.
About the Author
Kelly left teaching middle and high school English to homeschool her children and reclaim how she and her family spent their time. Followers of interest-led learning, her family’s days rarely look the same, but they tend to include a lot of books, art supplies, and time outside.
Kelly facilitates local writing circles for women and children and blogs about nurturing the love of learning on her blog, Curiosity Encouraged. She loves to journal, read memoirs, hike, and travel. She seeks quiet mornings and good coffee daily.
One of my chief concerns was that I valued my relationship with my son too much to homeschool him. I was convinced that spending so very much time with him would result in us growing tired of one another.
We already had battles and emotionally charged moments, and I feared that being the person to constantly force school assignments he didn’t want to do would mean butting heads even more. I worried
that he would see me as a strict teacher and not his loving mom
that lines would blur as our roles shifted
that what was already unsteady would become unsustainable
I’m very happy that I was so very wrong.
The relationship between my son and I has grown stronger than I ever could have imagined as I’ve watched him heal, grow, learn, and thrive. I’ve gotten to know wonderful parts of his personality that I would have missed otherwise. And I have been privileged to help polish the rougher parts that always seemed to rub the wrong way before.
While we’ve grown closer and found our groove in homeschooling, I’ve stumbled a few times. Through my experiences, I’ve discovered a few temptations that absolutely have the potential to damage our relationship. Here’s what I avoid to keep from ruining my relationship with my homeschooled child.
1. Too Much Review
Most curriculum works in a spiral format. It reviews previous material while introducing new information in an attempt to keep facts and formulas fresh. This isn’t necessarily a bad format, but there comes a point when reviewing can become excessive.
While learning about the state capitals, I decided to take every opportunity to quiz and review my son
while driving in the car
sitting at dinner
during commercial breaks
This was just too much. Instead of keeping facts fresh, I was negating opportunities for casual conversation and was trading connection for repetition. The freedom and peace that we enjoy in our homeschool, the chance to learn at a pace we’re comfortable with, was replaced with drills and expectations.
He wasn’t learning the capitals anymore; he was being beaten over the head with them!
What if you devote all of this time and energy into a lesson for it to go in one ear and out the other? At the end of the day, your goal as a homeschool parent isn’t to create a recording of everything taught. It’s to inspire a love of learning in your child and to forge a relationship with them in the most intimate of settings.
What your child learns is important, of course, but conversation with your kiddo is usually sufficient to get a feel for what they’ve soaked up. Be their parent, not their drill sergeant. Sit next to them and learn together; don’t ask them to recite for you.
2. Trying to Replicate What Everyone Else is Doing
Seeing how well other families are doing, it’s easy to begin to wonder if maybe you should try it, too. Maybe if you tried that curriculum your child wouldn’t struggle with spelling. If you had a dedicated homeschool room, you might be a better homeschool parent. And what about what they’re doing at the public school down the street? You heard that they’re doing this experiment and reading that book, so does it say something about you that you’re not?
Attempting to replicate what works for one family can cause you to forget (or even ignore) what works for your own. By shadowing someone else’s footsteps you rob your child of the chance to forge their own path. You create a box that you were never meant to fit inside of, and the relationship between yourself and your child suffers as you both struggle against its confines.
You, the homeschool parent, have the opportunity to meet your child where they are in every area of their life, to fine-tune and customize their education in a loving and thoughtful way. Your lesson plans can be seen as love letters to your child, the result of your dedication and devotion to what’s best for them. Be the homeschool parent that your family needs, not the one you see succeeding elsewhere.
3. Comparing. To Anyone.
In the same vein as attempting to replicate someone else’s homeschool comes the temptation to compare:
Your slow mornings with someone else’s early rising.
Your child to someone else’s.
Or yourself to another parent.
Or yourself to a homeschool philosophy.
Your tattered books to someone else’s laminated worksheets.
Any time you begin to compare yourself or your situation to another, you invite the idea that you are not good enough. Any time you compare your child’s academic performance to that of another, you invite the idea that one is better than the other. Any time you begin to notice a deficit or weakness in your home because it’s a strength in someone else’s, you are walking a dangerous line that can too easily leave you disillusioned, dissatisfied, and dismissive of the unique needs in your own homeschool.
It’s not hard to see how comparison can ruin your relationship with your child, but it’s worth reminding yourself, as often as you need to, that it is a path towards bitterness, not betterment.
4. Resenting Your Commitment to Homeschool
I know, it seems obvious. Resenting homeschooling is obviously a no-brainer when it comes to how you could possibly ruin your relationship with your child. What’s not so obvious, however, is how we come to resent it.
Maybe you’re always having to turn down invitations to lunch with friends. Maybe you’re struggling financially and could really benefit from a second income you’re forfeiting to homeschool. Maybe you’re just having a hard day.
Little thoughts creep in and say, “If only I weren’t homeschooling, I could really…” The seed is planted, and the resentment grows.
Now instead of recognizing homeschooling as a privilege, you see it as a prison, a necessity, an obligation. Your child has become a pair of shackles instead of a partner in learning.
A decision made to bring freedom to your family can quickly convert to feelings of resentment, bitterness, offense, and displeasure. Where your relationship with your child was once a cornerstone of your homeschool, it is now a duty, a task, a chore, suffering under the illusion of obligation.
You get to homeschool! You get to share this time with your children! You get to hand-pick their education and provide them with all the love, enchantment, and opportunities they can handle. Homeschooling is a privilege, but the moment you start to see it as an obligation you begin to damage the relationship you have with your child. Suddenly they are to blame, and your reason for homeschooling becomes an excuse for your unhappiness.
There are many, many ways to ruin your relationship with your homeschooled child, but none of them are caused by actually homeschooling.
Our expectations, our ideas, our own boxes that we build and expect our children to fit into—theseare the breeding grounds for relational damage. When it comes down to it, these situations and feelings can be just as damaging in any setting. As a homeschooling parent, though, you find yourself spending more time with your children than most parents do, which creates more opportunities for these little seeds to sprout.
Really the greatest way to ruin your relationship with your homeschooled child, with any child, is to become lax in examining your own heart and motivations. By guarding yourself against feelings of bitterness or insecurity, you protect your child and your relationship.
About the Author
Jennifer Vail proudly lives in the great state of Texas with her very handsome husband and three very funny children. All three kids are educated in three very different ways according to their very different needs, which is exhausting but fulfilling. Jen’s hobbies include naps, 90’s pop culture, Netflix binges, buying books with the best of intentions to read them all, photography, and extroverting. She holds a degree in counseling but has found her calling by writing for and spending time with families of differently-wired, outlier kids—the square pegs of the round world.
She stays up way too late and drinks way too much caffeine, but has no intention of changing either. She is the community manager and contributing author at Raising Lifelong Learners where she writes about homeschooling gifted, anxious, and otherwise different kiddos, but also rambles at This Undeserved Life from time to time. She feels compelled to mention that she still very much loves the Backstreet Boys and rarely folds her laundry.
Having a child who lives with anxiety can often be an overwhelming experience. It’s painful for us, as parents, to watch our children struggle with the weight of anxiety disorder. We work tirelessly to help them learn coping mechanisms, develop strategies for managing their anxiety, and help them live their best lives. What if there was one small thing—something many of us might already be doing—that could add another layer of support to their anxiety management?
I am currently parenting and home educating a child who has generalized anxiety disorder. Because I also happen to be an adult who lives with anxiety disorder, I have a deeper understanding of what my child is experiencing. I’ve been there and can truly empathize with my child’s feelings.
After a lifetime of searching out different coping techniques, I still find new things to try or think about. I recently came across an article discussing how reading can help anxiety. It made me think about all the books I crawled into when I was younger, as a way to self-manage my anxious moments. I thought about the times I snuggled up to my kids with a good book when one of them was having their own hard day. It really clicked, and I started to dig a little deeper.
Bibliotherapy Soothes the Anxious Mind
Above the door of the ancient library at Thebes, was inscribed the phrase Healing Place For The Soul. As long as there have been stories to tell and stories to read, humans have used the written word as a way to soothe our hearts and ease our minds.
There is a term for this, bibliotherapy, the act of using books to aid in treating mental health disorders. Particular stories can give our minds a way to see things and find solutions.
Sure, we all love a good book or a good story, but how can we use books intentionally to help our children deal with their anxiety? One of the most effective treatments I’ve tried for anxiety disorder is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). In a nutshell, this is the act of retraining how we think about a situation, so that we can rewire our brain in its reaction to the situation.
Reading a novel can be a powerful way reframe a bad or scary thing. In the book, we watch the character solve that problem and fight that scary thing to victory. The more we read about a character overcoming a struggle, the more our brains start to learn other ways to respond to a threatening trigger.
Reading Lets the Anxious Child Be The Hero
GK Chesterton once said, “Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
Books show us that the things we’re scared of, the situations that trigger our anxiety, can be beaten. Our children read a hero’s tale and see an ordinary everyday character—just like them—go on a journey through dark moments and scary places. They see our hero fight the darkness and emerge victorious.
Reading puts our children in front of these heroes and lets them imagine themselves as the victor, conquering the dragon. It gives them a brief experience of feeling that bravery and beating their foe.
Reading Reminds Us That There is Good in the World
When you live with anxiety, the world can seem overwhelming—full of terrifying events. To our children, these fears can become all-consuming. When we read a book, we are reminded of the good in the world:
that people can be strong and brave
that love can, and does, win
that we can persevere and overcome
Finding books with characters who do the good things and overcome adversity reminds our children that the world is not such a scary place.
Reading Gives the Anxious Mind Something to Do
A child who is feeling anxious will often have a million thoughts going all at once. They may be scatterbrained, or they might become intensely fixated on one problem or thought. When we sit down to read an engaging book, we give our minds something productive and enjoyable to do.
In an anxiety episode, our child’s mind is looking for trouble—in full flight or fight mode. If we give the mind something to focus on, it can’t keep fixating on the anxiety trigger. This kind of mindfulness activity can be an excellent coping mechanism, and books are a great way to do it. You can’t read a book and think of five other things at the same time. A good book will pull you in, and your mind will slowly let all the other worries fall off to the side.
Once your child spends time focusing their mind on one task, their mind can feel less scattered and frantic. Along the way, they’ll hopefully get pulled into a wonderful story or a fantastical world.
As home educating parents, we read all the time. We have family Read-Alouds in our curriculum, and literature for our homeschool lessons. We listen to audiobooks in the car on our way to activities. Reading can be such a large part of our lives already. How wonderful it is that we can also use it to help our children cope with fear and anxiety. with our children. Draw out the topics they are interested in and can relate to, ask questions that spark opinions and more questions, and get excited about what will happen next. Your kids will follow suit and you’ll be digging in and having valuable discussions with them before you know it.
About the Author
Nadine Dyer is a homeschooling parent to two great kids and the lucky wife to one amazing guy. She and her family, which also includes four spoiled guinea pigs, reside in beautiful (and chilly!) northern Ontario, Canada. Nadine is the author of upabovetherowantree.com where she shares her journey, with all its ups and downs, as a secular homeschooling parent. When she isn’t homeschooling or writing, Nadine can usually be found in search of good coffee, good books, and great conversation.
Have you ever heard the myth that homeschool parents need to be extremely organized to successfully homeschool? Maybe you tell someone you homeschool and their reaction is, “Oh! You must be so organized!” Or you attend a homeschool convention and hear speaker after speaker talking about planners, schedules, calendars, and organizational systems as if those are more important that reading aloud and doing science experiments.
Well, I strongly disagree with the assumption that you must be organized to be an effective homeschooler, and here’s why. I am a disorganized mess, and we have a very successful homeschool nevertheless!
What do I mean by a disorganized mess? Here are a few examples:
I’ve never successfully maintained a planner.
We don’t have a single file folder holding school papers.
If we can find enough pencils for everyone to write at the same time, it’s a good day.
Now you may be wondering, “If you are so disorganized, how do you ever get your homeschool work done?”
First, I think it’s important to point out that kids do not need constant academic instruction. Most homeschooled kids can accomplish a lot of the more academic needs in a much smaller amount of time thanks to the small teacher/student ratio and the ability to move at the student’s pace.
Second, kids learn a lot through everyday life. We don’t need to have a plan for every moment of the day for them to learn.
Third, while many parents are organized, there are plenty of parents who are not at all organized. And you never know the whole story of someone else’s life. That super mom you are comparing yourself to may not be quite as organized as she seems from the outside looking in.
Benefits of Being a Disorganized Mess
Not many people see benefits to being disorganized. And truthfully, there aren’t many. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve bought two of the same item simply because I forgot I had bought it in the first place. That’s not an advantage of being disorganized.
But being disorganized has allowed us to be a bit more spontaneous. Since we don’t usually have a set plan, it’s easy to take time off to explore a newfound interest. When we are in the middle of a lesson and my sons want to expand on it, we can. We can drop whatever we are doing and not worry about ruining our schedule (because we don’t follow one).
How to Get Stuff Done in Your Homeschool
When your mind opens to the reality of homeschooling, it can be overwhelming to think about all the possibilities that you could cover with your children. There are so many academic subjects plus extracurriculars, field trips, and supplements. I have two steps to combat the overwhelming feeling of trying to get it all done.
Simplifying. I write down all the subjects i want to cover in a year (or even semester). Then I rank them in order of importance. For instance, we would put math ahead of science and science ahead of coding, etc. Once I have my list, I consider what I can eliminate. Do I really need to do grammar lessons this year or is it something that could wait until my boys are older? I write everything that is left in order of importance and determine a basic routine to get it done. We do math twice a week, reading twice a week, and rotate history and science on a weekly basis. This very simple structure means we get things done without feeling hemmed into a strict regime.
Writing down my goals. What are my goals in homeschooling? Do I want my kids to gather all the possible knowledge they can? Or are my goals more about making learning fun? Knowing and understanding my ultimate goal helps me realize what matters and what doesn’t matter. Our main goal is to teach our kids how to learn. When we focus on only that, the overwhelming feeling of getting it all done is simplified to just one task.
Choose the Right Curriculum
A lot of successful homeschooling in general is choosing the right curriculum. Homeschooling as a disorganized mess is no different. For me, an open and go curriculum works best. When I can just sit down and start the lesson without prep work, it eases the effect of my disorganization. We are able to start any time we please without organizing the lesson first. I don’t need to have a planner or spend hours a week figuring out what we need to do. I just open the Instructor’s Guide and do the next thing.
Not all curriculum can be open and go though. Any hands-on curricula will need at least a bit of preparation. I prefer programs either offer a concise material lists of items normally found in a household or a program like BookShark’s science that comes with a kit of required materials. That kit is a lifesaver for a mom who isn’t great at planning ahead.
So when you’re searching for curriculum, consider how much prep time is required. If you’re a disorganized mess, you might want to stay away from ones that require more planning and stick with something that lets you open up a guide and do the next thing.
About the Author
Erin blogs at RoyalBaloo.com where she inspires people to make learning fun! Through printables, games, activities, and unit studies, learning becomes an adventure worth having.
Dyslexia and dysgraphia have some overlapping challenges; both make language-based learning an uphill battle. But while dyslexia’s struggles are mostly reading-related, dysgraphia’s struggles are mostly writing-related:
difficulty with spelling
trouble organizing thoughts into written sentences and paragraphs
challenges with the physical act of writing
We’ve had our share of all of these over the years. Nearly all styles of homeschooling require writing of some kind. But how do you teach what’s necessary when your child has trouble with writing or even completing worksheets? Here are five simple but powerful tweaks that you can make for your child with dysgraphia. They remove the bulk of the challenge of writing so that kids can better focus on the academic topic at hand.
1. Complete the Work Orally
We do a lot of our work out loud. For most of the elementary years, my kids narrate (orally retell) what they have read in every subject. Even in middle school, my daughter and I have book chats rather than completing literature worksheets. We cover the same material, and I’ll often ask the same questions as a literature worksheet has asked. But the questions are answered out loud, on the couch, over a cup of tea.
Writing begins in the mind, organizing our thoughts before they ever become words on a page. And for those who tend to be more extroverted anyway, talking outloud is a natural way to organize what we are thinking.
2. Serve as a Scribe for Your Child
After a long period of time of narrating out loud to me, my kids then go through a stage where I write down what they verbally express. Trying to hold a thought and write it at the same time can be particularly challenging for a child who has a language-based disability.
By writing down what my child is saying, I’m modeling the next step of the process without adding extra mental work.
Scribing is not just something we do in writing class, though.
I’ve scribed sections of a long math page when the process of writing the answers was more overwhelming than the math computation itself.
I’ve scribed spelling, as my child told me what letter to put down next.
We’ve scribed phonics worksheets and grammar lessons.
Whenever I felt the skill we were learning was more important than the physical act of writing, I picked up the pencil instead of handing it to my child.
3. Use a Dry Erase Board
I stumbled upon this quite by accident, and I don’t even remember how it happened. But one day I realized my daughter was willingly writing her own original paragraph on a large dry erase board with a marker, something she would never have been able to attempt on a piece of paper.
For awhile, a smaller dry erase board helped her complete her math problems as well. She could write as large as she needed and color-code the columns of numbers to help her line up the correct place values. Once again, she was focused on the academic skills without the added complication of writing small enough to fit the space in a workbook.
4. Don’t Fill Out Worksheets
Instead of writing on a worksheet which can cause frustration due to the tiny spaces, use it merely as a guide for writing on another medium.
For example, my youngest also has a very hard time writing the size that his worksheets require. His handwriting ability lags behind his phonemic awareness. But there’s no need to let his handwriting hold him back in his reading lessons!
Rather than mark vowels or divide syllables within the narrow spaces of a worksheet, I copy the words from his worksheet onto individual index cards, as large as the card allows. My son easily works through each word card, marking vowels and circling phonograms, and then happily feeds the completed cards to his tissue-box monster we’d made together.
He was focused on the reading skills he was ready to master but no longer discouraged by his weaker writing skills.
5. Use Technology
My kids learn typing skills early on. It’s my sneaky way of enforcing letter recognition, spelling, and reading. But typing has also helped my kids to progress with writing skills without being discouraged with spelling, grammar, and handwriting.
When it’s time to write, I always allow automated spell check and other assistive technology. Dyslexia Aid is another favorite that allows my child to dictate a phrase or sentence into the app and see it translated into text. For my family, it’s a matter of deciding which skill or combination of skills we are prioritizing, rather than insisting on all the skills at once.
It’s kind of ironic that we have chosen a literature-based homeschool with our assortment of language-based disabilities, but it’s not a decision I’ve ever doubted or regretted. Our challenges have not kept us from either enjoying good books or having deep thoughts about those books. We’ve simply changed our tools and strategies for success—and sometimes our expectations.
But in the end, that’s the life lesson I want my children to take with them. No personal difficulty has to signal the end of something we value; we simply have to find a solution that rises to the challenge.
About the Author
Tracy Glockle lives with her husband in Oregon where she homeschools their crew of three kids with ADHD/dyslexia. She’s constantly making adjustments for her out-of-the-box learners, finding creative ways to use their strengths to teach their weaknesses. As the frontal lobe for her family of ADHDers, Tracy loves planners and systems and organization. But housecleaning—that’s something else entirely. She enjoys black coffee, superhero action films, and reading the end of a story first. Tracy writes about homeschooling ADHD and dyslexia for several blogs including her own at Growing In Grace.
Are you ever curious about other BookShark families? We can assure you that, after interacting with so many customers at conventions and online, every family is unique! While there is another family like yours in some ways, there is no other family exactly like yours!
BookShark families span the gamut of family size, makeup, and approach to homeschooling. Of course, the one thing they all have in common is a passion for their kids. They invest deeply in and advocate fiercely for the academic and emotional well-being of their children.
One example is Kelsey, mom to Emmett, living in North Carolina. You may know Kelsey from Instagram where she posts under the handle @_little_mama_purple. We recently interviewed Kelsey to learn more about her homeschool experience. She will inspire you to overcome your own challenges and grasp all the benefits homeschooling offers!
Meet Emmett
BookShark: Let’s start with Emmett, because he’s such an adorable little fellow on Instagram. Tell me a little bit about him.
Kelsey: He loves books, puzzles, and his tablet. I always bribe him with his tablet. If he’s having a bad morning, and doesn’t want to do school, I ask, “Well, don’t you want to earn tablet time?”
BookShark: So that’s his motivator? Smart!
Kelsey: Yes. Emmett is six. He will be seven in September (2019). He has autism, global apraxia, and generalized epilepsy. He started wearing glasses at age four.
BookShark: What is apraxia?
Kelsey: It means that he has trouble talking and visually doing things¹. Sometimes he’ll write a word out, but he’ll leave a letter off. But in his head, he thinks he wrote that letter.
BookShark: Tell me about your choice to homeschool.
Kelsey: When it was time to enroll Emmett in kindergarten, we did an IEP with the school. They told me that he would get less therapies than he does now using our insurance. So, I decided to homeschool from that point.
BookShark: Did you have Emmett enrolled with services at age 3 because of his special needs?
Kelsey: No! I didn’t know there was special education available when he was little. I didn’t know there was early intervention, until he was almost too old to be in it. Nobody told me. They just handed me his diagnosis and said, “Here you go. He needs OT, speech therapy, and ABA². Go find it. Good luck.”
BookShark: Golly. That’s tough.
Kelsey: Yes.
BookShark: When you went to the school to find out about enrolling him, you discovered the lack of support for his special needs. That’s when you decided you wanted to go the private insurance, homeschool route, right?
Kelsey: Correct.
BookShark: Okay, and do you feel good about your decision to homeschool?
Kelsey: Yes, I do because Emmett loves to read. He’s currently learning to read using Reading Eggs, along with BookShark, and he just loves it. I mean, he brings me books every day. He asks, “Read to me.”
BookShark: But do you think that would be different if he weren’t being homeschooled?
Kelsey: I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t be learning to read at all. He has some behavioral problems, like if he doesn’t get his way he can become aggressive towards others. I’m assuming that the school would put him in a classroom setting where might be disciplined to a point that would negatively impact his learning.
But because we homeschool, if he’s having a bad day, we take a break, we go do something else, and then we come back and it gets done. Even the best teachers in the world, they can’t love Emmett like I do. And the teachers have way too many children in the classroom, in my opinion.
BookShark: So are you planning on continuing to homeschool him?
Kelsey: Yes, I am. We already applied for a homeschool grant this year, and if we get it, we’ll be able to continue with BookShark curriculum.
Every Kid Should Be Homeschooled at Least Once
BookShark: Did you have any previous experience with homeschooling before you started homeschooling Emmett?
Kelsey: Yes, I was homeschooled from seventh grade until high school.
BookShark: So, you already had that in the back of your mind—that that could be a good experience?
Kelsey: Yes.
BookShark: Do you think there are parents whose kids would benefit from homeschooling but they don’t know about homeschooling?
Kelsey: Yes. I totally believe that. I totally believe every kid should be homeschooled at least once. Homeschooling makes you closer to your parents; you do more with your parents. You have a different relationship than if your parents send you away to school, you come home, you do homework, and then they put you to bed. You don’t really get to spend a lot of time with them.
BookShark: So I guess what you’re saying there, is as a mom, you would find one of the big benefits of homeschooling is the time you get to spend with Emmett?
Kelsey: Yes, definitely.
BookShark: What are some of the other benefits for you?
Kelsey: We get to go to the park when we feel like it. We get to go shopping when we feel like it; we don’t have to go when the store is totally super crowded. I mean, we can just get up and say, “Okay, let’s homeschool at two o’clock this afternoon, and let’s just go do some running around, and get some stuff done.”
Homeschooling Has Made Him a Reader
BookShark: What kind of strides has Emmett made in these two years of homeschooling?
Kelsey: He loves math. He’s a wiz at it. In language arts, he’s learning to write his name. He can now sign birthday cards himself. I found out that he loves dogs and horses. We just finished reading the book No Children, No Pets [in BookShark Level K]. He absolutely loves that book. I even had to put the book down one day when it was 70 degree weather outside. I told him, “No, we’re not going to read another chapter. Let’s go play outside for a while.”
BookShark: Now, you said Emmett has trouble speaking, but he can speak, right?
Kelsey: Yes. He speaks at like a three year old level, but he has a communication device that he uses.
BookShark: So, when he reads, does he just read silently?
Kelsey: No, he reads out loud, but he reads it phonetically.
BookShark: You also do a lot of reading out loud to him, I assume?
Kelsey: Yes. Yes, I do. All the time.
BookShark: Great. Well, when you decided to homeschool, I’m curious if you had any fears or concerns before you started?
Kelsey: Just teaching him to read has been my fear, but after my friend showed me Reading Eggs, it’s been real easy. And he loves the phonics books—Fun Tales—that are part of BookShark.
BookShark: I’m glad you found something that works well! Everybody uses BookShark in their own way, and it’s not bad or wrong, by any means, to supplement with extras if needed. So what parts of BookShark do you use? Do you use the full package?
Kelsey: We use everything but the science worksheets.
BookShark: Okay, but you read the science books?
Kelsey: Yes, we read all the science books. He loves them. He’s loving the Usborne Encyclopedia with the QR links [in BookShark Science K]. He loves to watch a video after I read what’s on the page.
BookShark: That’s super. So, what would you say BookShark, specifically, has done for your homeschool experience with Emmett?
Kelsey: Exposed us to books I would’ve never bought.
BookShark: Yeah, why not?
Kelsey: I’m one of those people that judges a book by its cover. I think, “I don’t really want to read that. It looks too hard to read.” Or, “The cover doesn’t look inviting.” But with BookShark, I’m like, “Well, it’s scheduled. Let’s read it and see.” And then I end up liking it!
BookShark: That’s excellent. Yeah, you’re right. A lot of people say that, that they go to the library and they’re just not sure what’s a good book and what’s not. These books are already chosen for you!
Homeschooling as a Mom with Autism
BookShark: So, I’m curious. You yourself have autism, and you’re very open about that. Your YouTube channel and your Instagram profile both say that you have autism. So, when did you discover that you have autism?
Kelsey: When I was 3. Emmett was doing something that reminded me of myself as a kid, and my friend said, “Well, go get tested. They can say yes or no. A diagnosis does not change who you are.” So, I got tested, and they told me I was level one³.
BookShark: When you learned that, did a lot of things just suddenly make sense for you?
Kelsey: Yes, definitely. I understood better how my brain works. I understood why I had meltdowns as a kid.
BookShark: So, Emmett has autism, too. Do you think that your having autism makes you a better homeschool parent, or does it provide extra challenges, or maybe it’s both? I’d love to hear your perspective on that.
Kelsey: I think it’s challenging, because sometimes my own autism makes me want to just get things done. But he’s having a meltdown and doesn’t want to do something.
But I’m learning to just go at his own pace, and whatever I’m feeling, just bury it deep, because it’s more about what he needs, not what I need. I’m getting more understanding of Emmett as I get older, but sometimes my own sensory needs take over. In those times, I just walk away for a while.
BookShark: That’s what moms do.
Kelsey: Yes, they do.
Anybody Can Use BookShark
BookShark: Do you think any family could use BookShark regardless of what kind of special need the family experiences?
Kelsey: Yeah, everybody could use BookShark. I think learning through literature is way better than doing a dusty old textbook.
Kelsey: Yes, because it changes. You’re not doing the same thing. When you do the same thing over and over again, they’ll get bored really easily.
BookShark: Oh, really? I thought autistic kids liked that pattern and repetition?
Kelsey: They do when it comes to a schedule. They want to know that math is coming up next and science after that. But they don’t want their science to be boring—the same every day. It it gets boring, they’re going to have a meltdown because they just don’t want to do it.
BookShark: I see. So, what do you do when the meltdowns happen? I know you say you just kind of step away. Is that your main strategy—take a break?
Kelsey: Yeah, take a break. For example, in level K, there are the writing sheets where they practice writing words and then sentences. Emmett has meltdowns about writing, so we just slowly do them throughout the year. If he has a meltdown, we take a couple days off. Then we pick it back up, and I see if he’s ready.
BookShark: That’s really good advice for a lot of homeschool parents. When you go slowly, this means you get “behind,” so to speak, on the sheets, right? Does that bother you? How do you deal with that feeling of “being behind”?
Kelsey: It bothered me at first, but now it doesn’t bother me at all. I know we’ll get to them when we get to them. Even if I pick them up two years later, we’ll still get to them when we get to them.
From “You Can’t Homeschool!” to “You Can’t Put Him in Public School!”
BookShark: When I think about your story, Kelsey, I’m struck by the number of challenges you face. You have autism, and your son has complex special needs. You’re a single mom, too. Some people might look at a situation like that and think, “Well, she can’t homeschool.” What do you say to that?
Kelsey: Yeah, my friends thought that I couldn’t homeschool. My friends wanted me to get a job and put him in public school. But now they’ve changed their tune to “You can’t put him in public school! You need to homeschool him!”
Actually, I am somebody else’s inspiration to homeschool! I have a friend—she has a YouTube channel where she talks about life with her daughter with autism who is about the same age as Emmett. She follows me on Instagram and says, “Every time I go on your Instagram account, I’m always writing down things I need to try with my daughter.”
She is talking about homeschooling her daughter next year because of what she’s seen me do with Emmett.
BookShark: That’s great, Kelsey. I love that you are encouraging other people to homeschool and showing people that while it’s challenging, it can be done! I’m just so happy that you are able to educate Emmett at home where he can be safe and loved, and he can grow at his own pace.orward in their education. Project-based assessments give children the opportunity to get their hands busy and their creative ideas flowing.
² ABA is Applied Behavioral Analysis. This system of autism treatment teaches desired behaviors through a system of rewards and consequences. Read more here.
³ There are three severity levels for autism spectrum disorder, one to three. Read more here.
EPISODE 145 SEASON 4 | What makes a successful student or person? While there are a LOT of items on that checklist, there are a set of skills that can make it a great deal easier to be successful. This skill set is called executive functioning. It is a broad group of mental skills that enable people to complete tasks and interact with others. It is a skill set that allows a student/person to write that final paper, plan a business outline, or follow a set of instructions on what chores to do in a specific manner.
Join Janna and her guest Dr. Lauran Kerr-Heraly as they discuss time management and other executive functioning skills. Learn how you can help your child as they move through their educational journey.
ABOUT OUR GUEST | Lauran Kerr-Heraly is an award-winning educator and author who has dedicated her career to transforming lives through education. She was homeschooled all the way through high school, which allowed her to develop a deep appreciation for self-directed learning and a passion for helping others to take control of their education. Lauran has worked in college readiness in American high schools, taught in international and British schools in England, and currently serves as a professor in an American community college. Her innovative teaching includes turning a classroom into an escape room, multidisciplinary projects showcasing personal food histories and environmental justice, and experimental learning spaces. She helps students and parents develop a holistic approach to college success, which includes a focus on essential skills, executive function, and emotional awareness.
Janna 00:00 Welcome to Homeschool Your Way. I’m your host Janna Koch and BookSharks Community Manager. Today I am joined by Dr. Lauran Kerr-Heraly. She’s an award-winning educator and author, who has dedicated her career to transforming lives through education. Fun fact, she was also homeschooled.
I’m super excited to delve into our topic today about executive functioning. And believe it or not, it’s not just students who find themselves with a possible deficit in this area. Lauran, thank you so much for being here.
Lauran 00:30 Thanks for having me.
Janna 00:33 Why don’t you go ahead and give us just a little bit of your background and how you became involved in homeschooling? Kind of not even of your own volition?
Lauran 00:44 Yes, well, so I was homeschooled K through 12. And I like to say my parents were homeschool pioneers because we were one of two homeschooling families and my entire town and Wyoming. So things have changed quite a bit from them. But I really loved being homeschooled. And I graduated when I was 15 went straight to community college, which I also loved so much that I am now a community college professor. So as a student, I had a really good opportunity to learn about homeschooling. And now, I teach a lot of homeschoolers through the community college system, either in dual credit or recent graduates. And I’m also planning to homeschool my own kiddo. So I’ve gotten into a lot more kinds of homeschool groups and discussions, as of late.
Janna 01:36 Do you find it interesting that because you were homeschooled, you didn’t automatically want to homeschool your child because I’m the same way I actually didn’t. I resisted it for years about homeschooling my own children.
Lauran 01:49 I think it’s, you know, it’s something we considered. When we were looking at educational options, we considered homeschooling, private, public, whatever. And it just seemed like it wasn’t quite the right time. But now that our kiddo is getting to middle school, we want to road school and we want to do all these things that we think would be beneficial for our whole family. So it’s Yeah, it is interesting, because it’s always different with your own kid. And it’s part of why homeschooling works is because you can tailor it to what their needs are. And you can start homeschooling and then go to public school, and then go back if you want. So there’s there’s a lot of flexibility.
Janna 02:30 That’s nice. I think it’s a common misconception that if you were homeschooled, and you don’t choose to homeschool your children that must mean you had a negative experience. And that was not at all the case for me. I really enjoyed homeschooling, it just didn’t fit our family at the time.
Lauran 02:46 Exactly. And you know, my sister who was home-schooled with me is homeschooling her three kiddos. And so we both had a great experience, it was just more of the needs of our family, which is what we all want to really look at is what is the best possible educational situation for our kids.
Janna 03:03 And now you find yourself surrounded by homeschooled children coming up into young adulthood, looking to you and wanting more information at a higher level of learning. What has been your experience as you see this next generation of homeschoolers coming up into the collegiate realm?
Lauran 03:26 So one thing that I see with every teenager, regardless of their educational background, because you can prepare them with all the right SATs, classes, and all that subject tutoring, and you’ve got the essay writing coach, and you’ve been to all the extracurriculars. Every student when they are a young adult will struggle with executive function. And executive function. To put it plainly is the set of skills that help us get things done. It’s the mental processes that tell us to get things done. And the demands that are required of a student in high school, whether they’re at home school, or not exceed what their brains can do. And part of that is not their fault part of it too, because we ask a lot of them. Part of it might also be that we’ve scaffolded too much. You know, I think a lot of parents think, especially if they didn’t get a lot of help when they were a teenager, they want to sort of make sure their kid has everything. And that’s why Yeah. And homeschoolers have the opportunity to help their students in every possible way. But sometimes that means that they don’t have the skills to do things on their own. So those are some of the things that I see they’re universal, but particularly for homeschoolers, I remember you know, as I mentioned, I was 15 when I graduated straight to community college, and I had great homeschool education. academically, I was very prepared for the college environment. But I was not necessarily ready socially. And I don’t just mean with my peers, I mean, interacting with adults, I mean, navigating the systems of the college, registration and payment and scholarships, and all of that I was not prepared for. So there is this big jump, that we kind of expect students to go from having their schedule completely planned out. You know, even in homeschool, we say you have to do these five things, here’s the order, I recommend, and I’m going to check on you and half an hour and make sure that all of this is going well, you don’t have that in college, even if you’re living at home, and you’re in a college environment, you don’t have that kind of oversight. So it’s something that can be kind of a shock for students. When they get to the college environment, or even the high school environment.
Janna 05:59 It’s amazing how we, as parents try so hard to make sure that our kids are completely prepared. And what I am finding in my parenting, my twins will be 18 Soon is that we all parent, kind of from our own deficit. So like you’re saying, like, Okay, so maybe our generation had a little bit less oversight, right as I mean, and it kind of sounds like probably my homeschool experience was very different than yours. I was left to my own, I sought out my education, I loved education, so nobody could stop me, right, like nobody had to check on me. But from that, I do feel like I have micromanaged my own children, even as they have done concurrent enrollment, and being outside of the home. Because in my mind, this is what I would have wanted when I had been homeschooled, and I have to constantly remind myself that they didn’t have the same upbringing. So their need is not my need. And I know this is not groundbreaking, but as homeschool parents, I think sometimes it has to be reiterated like, you are naturally parenting your children and preparing them out of what you experienced their experience is not the same.
Lauran 07:15 Correct. And it’s important to recognize that they’re also growing up in a different world than we were when we were kids. You know, just homeschooling in general, like I said, two families in one town, and we had to drive five hours to the once-a-year homeschool convention, that was our only support. And now there’s so much support that it’s totally overwhelming. Like, if you search for Facebook groups, for homeschooling, it’s you’re gonna get everything. So in a way, we have to figure out how our kids how our students can get the individualized systems created for them. And they need to be part of that process that works for them. We have students who have different learning styles, we have a lot of neurodivergent, that, you know, finally we’re starting to recognize this society. And we have people who are interested in different career pathways, but they’re all going to have to take my history one-on-one class, and they might not care. So we have to figure out how to get them to care about everything that they’re involved in, and sometimes how to push through and do the boring things. And then also how to take ownership of their education and their skill set.
Janna 08:33 So when you’re seeing these students come into your classroom, and you’re recognizing these this deficit, what what are some of the tips that you have, that you share with your students, and then we can kind of talk about to the program that you created since you were seeing this so frequently.
Lauran 08:51 So if I’m going to speak to my college classroom, one thing that they really struggle with is knowing how much time the course is going to take. So I would say to them, it’s going to be you know, and I have a whole calculation, I’ve got a video on this that we can put in the show notes. But it’s how to calculate the time that you need for a college course. And this is a good thing to practice for high school homeschoolers because they can see, okay, this semester, my history class, is this many weeks, and this is how much time I need to spend per week and this is how I’m going to break it down, etc. So I do go through with them and encourage them to find time in their weeks. I have a lot of students who have care responsibilities, they have full-time jobs, etc. And this is also true of homeschool students who are dual credit or recent grads because they’re often taking care of younger siblings. They’re interning maybe in a company or they’re working to pay for their education. So it is significant that they sit down and they find a time in their week. It’s also important, you know, as we want to have warm open communication with our high schoolers, we want to have that same warm open communication with our college students. So I wouldn’t necessarily sit down with my sophomore in college and say, let’s figure out, you know, the 10 hours a week that you need to study. But I would ask them, to have an open conversation with you, you know, my students, I tell them, You need to tell your friends that between these two hours, you are not available, your phone is off, you can’t do the dishes, they’ll do them later, whatever it is you but you need to sort of, you know, arrange that time. So time management is a big thing. Time blindness is maybe a term that is a bit newer, but that is the sense that when you think, Oh, this thing is going to take five minutes, but it actually is a two-hour task. Or conversely, it’s a three-hour task, or you think it’s a three-hour task. And it’s a five-minute task. So you put it off till the very last minute, right? So having a perception of time that’s realistic can be a pretty big game changer. It comes to emotional regulation, which is a big part of executive function because that is a brain function that comes from the frontal lobe, and again, it’s around 25, that the frontal lobe is fully formed. And that can vary based on, you know, neuro divergence, as well as trauma and other factors. But, so if a student is in college before 25, they’ve got deficits there, right? So we have seen, you know, my spouse has been a high school teacher for a long time, I taught college prep high school, and I taught embedded ACT courses. I’ve taught in boarding schools. I’ve taught in a lot of different types of environments. And then my favorite is now what I’ve been doing for several years, which is Community College.
In all of those environments, I can almost set my watch to midterm. When everyone is going to have a breakdown, the students are going to come to me and they’re going to say I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. I’m behind. My mom wants this from me, my job wants me to work more hours, or you know, I overcommitted or I wasn’t prepared for this course. And they just shut down. Some of my students will disappear for two weeks and not come back. And then they’ll come back when they’ve like, sort of composed themselves. But I tell them, you need to be communicating with me and the people in your life about what’s going on. So emotional regulation is one of those things that can be practiced. And it can be practiced on a micro level in high school, to start with awareness. And that can be just how are you feeling right now. Do a self-check. We use the feelings we’ll use. You can Google that. But my spouse and I use it too, it’s not just for kids. But it helps you identify? Because you might be able to say, Oh, I’m feeling overwhelmed. That’s not really a specific feeling, right? How can you break that down into something that is more specific? Once you have emotional awareness, then you can make a plan for how to deal with it. But if the midterm breakdown is coming, then you need to be aware of what’s leading to that as well. So practice that on a micro-level in the high school situation. Make sure you have a good support system, and make sure that you’re not overcommitted. And be kind to yourself. That’s a big thing for parents and our kids.
Janna 13:26 When my daughter called me yesterday, crying because there was a mix up with her schedule at school. And my first response is definitely to cry. I mean, I think, I don’t know if I’m the only one but I just feel like tears are my soul’s way of letting go of some of that overwhelm. So definitely cry. And then let’s figure out what had caused the problem. And part of it is, I think, fatalistic thinking of young adults because their frontal lobe is not fully developed. So they do need safe mentors in their lives to walk them through some of these things. It’s like, even though maybe wasn’t stuff that we talked about when we were kids, now we know when we can do better. She felt like she dropped the ball somewhere. And, so I was like, Okay, well, let’s get before we think about the rest of the schedule. Let’s get rid of let’s get down to the bottom of that feeling because that’s going to make you feel insane. If you can’t pinpoint what had happened. So come to find out she hadn’t logged into her college email. And when she did, the class had been canceled just the week before. So she did do that. She did register for it. It was on her calendar, and now she knows why it has disappeared. But once you can kind of like take away that. Oh my gosh, did I make a mistake? I don’t like making mistakes, Lauran. I don’t know that a lot of people do but some personalities can roll with it better than others have in mind. otter is very much like me. And so I was like, Don’t you feel better now that you know that you did do all the right steps and this was completely out of your control, you still feel out of control, right? You still have to come up with a solution. But just taking away that one thing of it, am I not paying attention? Did I do something and didn’t do it properly? It’s like these little things that just immediately when you’re already emotional about, you know, whether you’re finishing up high school and in college, or you’re in college, and you don’t know what the next steps are, that’s incredibly overwhelming emotionally for young adults. And then as parents, we feel it too, and we’re trying to fix things, but we’re trying to let them figure things out on their own. And, it’s this dance that we do that it’s like if we can eliminate things that are causing extra stress, and not eliminate it for them, but helping them walk through the processes to find out how they can eliminate it for themselves. It’s amazing that one thing changed the entire scenario for her.
Lauran 16:01 Well, and I think that’s a great example of how to handle it as a parent because emotional regulation does not mean like you’re a robot, it means figuring out how you feel and then being able to deal with the feelings. So I think that’s great. And, you know, I talked about how I was a procrastinator, and I’m still a procrastinator, but I was a much worse procrastinator in college because I’m a perfectionist. So I finally figured that was I had this moment I was 2am. This was back when we still had computer labs. So it was 2am. They were closing the computer lab, they’re kicking me out, I’m like my papers do the next day and the printer is not working. And I was like, Okay, this has to stop, I have to figure out what’s going on. And I realized that I procrastinated. Because I’m a perfectionist. If I waited till the last minute, I had a reason for why it wasn’t perfect. So once I figured that out, I was able to start earlier, I was able to just let it go, I was you know, a 90, it’s fine. An 85 is fine. Sometimes a 70 is fine, if that’s you know, which is how I handled math. But that, for me was a big game changer. And part of the reason I’m so passionate about executive function is because I’ve taught students with so many various backgrounds for a long time. And my spouse and my child were recently, a couple of years ago, diagnosed with ADHD. And it was one of those things that it was kind of like this lightbulb that like, Oh, this is why this is hard. I know. And this is this is what we can do about it. Because once you sort of know what’s going on with your brain. And in the case of ADHD, it is a disorder. You know, my husband always says I hate it when people say this is a superpower. It’s a disorder, it’s hard. But there are ways to deal with it. And you know, in our case, it’s a mix of medication and routines and just a lot of grace. But knowing all these things about ourselves will help us be a lot more gentle with ourselves. And then again, like I keep saying we have to create systems that work for us. I worked with a student recently, who for an entire year did not write down, any assignments. So was one of my one-to-one clients. And I said so you hate doing this, don’t you? And he said yes. And I said, Okay, well, let’s figure out a way for you to not hate it. So through conversations, we figured out that he’s really into graphic novels. So I said, Let’s every class do a square of a graphic novel. And we came up with a character. And we came up with a little soundcloud. And so this little character tells him what his assignments are for each class. But that was a total change. Because what his brain thought was, I can’t do this. And my brain doesn’t work this way. I can’t write down my assignment. So he didn’t even attempt it. But once we figured that out, it was like, Oh, my brain likes stories. My brain thinks this way. So that we’re doing it this way. And it’s a big change. So it’s liberating to realize that maybe your professor or your parents and homeschool will say you need to put your stuff in a calendar this way. The important thing is you put it on a calendar. Is it an app? Is it did you draw a giant Mind Map? Did you make a graphic novel, whatever it is, it has to work for you or you won’t do it.
Janna 19:20 My youngest daughter refuses to write down things. And I am a list maker and a box checker. So it frustrates me to no end. And as a homeschool parent, I find that everything I talk about it always comes back to how I need to change my perspective, and how I’m looking at things with my children as we’re taking this journey. And so I keep saying, Okay, I just don’t know how you’re not writing it down. It’s just that I’m trying to breathe through it myself because it doesn’t make sense to me. But I also know that you don’t always complete the tasks. So what we have yet to come up with is the system, we’re still kind of working on it. And if first you don’t succeed, try try again, right? I find that demanding things of my older children now really tends to backfire. And I really would rather partner with them to help them be successful, as opposed to them just being obedient. And that’s definitely not the type of parenting that I was modeled. And so it has taken well, almost 18 years with my first to, to really try to understand that executive function isn’t something that is natural to necessarily a lot of people. I mean, it’s something that can be developed, but you have to be aware of it right, you have to be aware that you don’t have a process. And, some people are just naturally, they make the list, and it feels good. And that works with their personality. But that’s not everybody. And so as a parent, it’s so frustrating. But it’s important to recognize these things so that when our kids do get to college or outside of our home, you know, they are prepared, even if it’s not the way we would have done it.
Lauran 21:05 Well, I think that you made several good points there. And I want to capitalize on the fact that you say you want to partner with your kids, which is the best way to do it. Because, and sometimes, you know, my daughter, and I think very differently. I have anxiety, she has ADHD. And so sometimes we’re like speaking different languages. So one of the things that has been successful for us, and what I suggest to parents is to find someone who thinks like them, some kind of other mentor that has, particularly if you can find a recent college grad. That’s golden because they’ll see, okay, this person is not a list taker, but they graduated, they did okay, what did they do? Right? So that can be helpful. Because our kids always want to listen to someone besides us, right? The other thing I would say is, when we are trying to support our kids, this is something that I have learned to do with my students, as well as with my own child is to not have hard starts. So that would be like, you know, the they come in the door, I got your report card. What did you do? Like, how could you like, you know, whatever it is? And instead of saying, first of all, you reconnect, how are you? But then with my students, I’ll say, you know, I’m noticing that you’re struggling. What’s going on? Like, let’s find out, I’m inviting them to tell me the emotional reason that things aren’t going well, right? And it’s also an opportunity for them to, because if I go to them, and I say you haven’t turned in the last two assignments, you’re gonna fail the course, that relationship is over, right? So what we’re trying to do is invite our students to come to us before things are dire, right? So this can be something that happens with a lot of first-generation college students in particular, or maybe they’ve had, they’ve been homeschooled, and so they feel some pressure to succeed because they’ve had a different type of education than their peers is that they, they’re not doing well, in a class or they’re not doing well at college socially. They’re miserable, they’re whatever, but they don’t tell anybody. And they just wait till the end of the semester until they fail. And failure is not the end, you know, I have students who have taken my class, I am very proud of this student who just took my class for the third time. And he had a lot of emotional stuff going on. He had all kinds of issues that were challenges, I should say. And he passed my class on the third time and we celebrated, you know, so failure is not the end. But also it’s before that midterm breakdown. Let’s have a conversation with our kids and say, How are things going? If you’re struggling in this class, it’s okay. If you’re struggling socially, it’s okay. So having that kind of safety net to put out for our kids, in the beginning, invites them to open up instead of saying, I’m just gonna, you know, I lost my financial aid because I failed a class and now I’m sleeping on my friend’s couch, so you won’t know about it. It’s a big stream, but it happens maybe more than you would realize. So again, that warm open communication, trying to figure out what’s going on emotionally inviting them to help you help them. The biggest thing is it’s their idea, right?
Janna 24:35 Well, that in and of itself is a whole other college course that I think all parents would take if it were available to us. Lauran, I am so pleased to hear you giving homeschool parents permission to give grace. I think sometimes there’s this outside pressure along with inside pressure when we choose to do something that’s countercultural, and then we feel the need to prove to those around us whoever they are, that we made the right decision for our children that we didn’t mess them up in some way. And so from the pressure out and the pressure in, it boils over and our children are unfortunately kind of a casualty that happens in that they’re the force that you know, that feels our force when it happens. So permission to give ourselves grace, and then that there’s nothing wrong with giving our children grace. And it really doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks. Because when everybody’s 35, and in their career and has their own families, if that’s their, what they choose, like, none of this stuff, none of the pressures are going to matter. But it’s what we do in the day-to-day, the relationship building that does matter.
Lauran 25:50 And the reality of the matter is, we’ve all done the best we can with the knowledge that we had. And so we need to give ourselves so much grace, because we’re learning as our kids are learning. And the world is changing very quickly. And maintaining a close relationship can be difficult, and it can be felt like a mountain that we’re climbing, but you just have to hang in there and be supportive. The because the students I know, you know, could be the first generation students whose parents don’t speak English. And they have very little context for the college experience. The ones that do better, are the ones who have a close relationship with their parents, and they can go to them and say I’m struggling, they can go to them and whatever. So that it is really significant. But, you know, being homeschooled myself, sometimes I’ll say to people, you know, I was homeschooled, and they’re sort of surprised, not because they, they don’t think it’s legitimate, but it’s like, oh, but now you have a doctorate and you’re doing this or whatever. I’m like, Yeah, so you’re right. But once we get to a certain point, it doesn’t matter. And we don’t really need to compare ourselves to anyone. In any situation, you know, this is this can be difficult if you have a neurodivergent child. And they’re being compared with their behavior or their you know, you know, for my daughter, she’s sometimes pulled out of situations so that she can get extra time or whatever it is. And I would encourage everyone, you know, I’m not a psychologist, not a neurologist. So if you suspect any kind of learning challenge with your child, definitely go and get them, you know, assessed because it is a game changer. My husband was 40 when he was diagnosed. And it’s like, it’s changed our whole life. But my students who have their letters, there are lots of accommodations, you know, that that has to be formalized. I have several students who have letters but never turn them into me. And because it’s they want to start over when they’re in college and prove that their dyslexia or their ADHD is not going to hold them back. And they can just do it their own way. Don’t make it hard for yourself, you know, and make it so that I always say smart students ask for help successful students ask for help. All you’re doing is getting the support that you need for the way that your brain works, and the way that you need to have help. You know, I had a, what, like an assistant dog in my class last semester, and I was like, This is great. Made everyone is happier, right? So because that student took the steps that she needed to have her emotional support dog with her so that she could focus in class. So this is, it benefits everyone if you get the help that you need.
Janna 28:44 Well, before we go, can you share a hack with our listeners?
Lauran 28:49 Yes. Just one. Okay. One of the things that with, you know, I’ve talked about executive function kind of in a sort of umbrella sort of way. But again, it’s really the set of skills that helps us get things done. It’s the working memory, it which helps us remember, processes, people with deficits and working memory, can remember, you know, we’re a big trivia family. So my husband can remember all kinds of trivia about like the 50 states, but he can’t remember to, like, unload the dishwasher. That’s working memory, right? And it’s something we joke about, but that’s just an aside. Anyway. So it’s mental flexibility. It’s emotional regulation. So on my website, I have an infographic called the College Prep Essential Skills infographic. What I recommend as a hack is to look at that infographic it’s I’ve divided it into skills of scholastic study, social, and sensibility, which is the emotional part. And so what I recommend is for you to take a couple of weeks and write down executive function skills that your kids do really well. I’ll. So for example, one of the executive function skills is being able to sort of remember and also process what you’ve read. So if your child reads a book and tells you about it, and has an opinion about it, that’s well-founded based on the text, write that down, write that, because that’s an let’s put it in a positive category, if they were helpful to a sibling, but that in the sensibility emotional regulation category, that’s positive, right? It can be really helpful for you as a parent to see, okay, maybe they’re like, again, that fatalistic attitude of like, nothing is working, you know, you got to start with the positive. And then I would take another week to note down some areas of growth. And then I would not go to your child and say, I’ve been observing you like a weird scientist for the last couple of weeks. But to say, you know, I’ve noticed that time management has been a struggle. And I wonder if there are some things that we could change or a way that I could help you? Can we change a system, etc. So that’s my hack is to start observing these skills, and then to pick just one or two things at a time, that maybe you as a family can work on together. And maybe that’s first you saying, like, you don’t have this to say, like,I have a list? Why doesn’t my kid have a list? You know, to step back, and maybe maybe the first change is to change your perspective. And then to think, okay, but there is still a gap, there’s still not turning things in on time, or the tasks aren’t getting completed. So list is not the answer. The problem is the tasks aren’t happening. What executive function skill category can we work on? To close that gap?
Janna 31:49 I hear you saying is literature-based learning where we read to our kids, and then have discussions and have them tell us the story back is a great way to build executive functions.
Lauran 32:01 Yes. And you can start, you know, we’re not born with zero executive functions, we all have them, they just need to be developed. And you start in kindergarten with, you know, my kid loved that memory game, right? Where you put all the cards down and you pick up to, that’s your developing memory, and then you develop working memory from then. So the book discussions, the memory games, the, you know, all in all, I could go on and on. But there are a lot of things that you could do in elementary school, to help your kids develop this. And you don’t necessarily have to tell them, that’s what you’re doing. But yes, all of those will help, there are a lot of things about homeschooling that do help build executive function, and that’s a positive thing I want to say. It’s just a matter of developing them and scaffolding them as they grow older, because, like I said, the demands grow higher than the executive function skills are at a faster pace.
Janna 33:02 So I think it’s also natural as our children start to age, we stop playing memory games, right? We kind of get away from reading aloud if you’re not in a program like BookShark, that it’s the forefront of the curriculum. And being intentional to continue and scaffold these very things are going to be so helpful for parents to continue to help grow their children in this area, which is an area that has not been growing. Maybe the best way it can be so Lauran, thank you so much for coming on today. How can our listeners learn more about what you offer through your courses?
Lauran 33:43 The best way to get to me is through my website, alteringcourse.com all my socials are on there. As I said, the infographic is on there. And all of my offerings are on there I have executive function cohorts is what I call them, and you can join the waitlist at any time. They are virtual experiences for students and or parents. And we do a lot of fun things in there to to assess executive function skills to help improve them. There’s a lot of gamification involved. So those are fun sessions but also you’ll come away with some really good skills and ways to continue to improve them.
Janna 34:27 And then you had a special for our listeners if they wanted to connect with you and purchase something from you, what can they expect?
Lauran 34:36 So you can get 10% off any products that I offer with the code bookshark.
Janna 34:41 Alright, you guys, you heard it here. Go to alteringcourse.com and learn more about what Lauran has available to help you and your students learn executive functioning and ways to improve what you already know your children have. Make sure to use the code bookshark if you want to purchase something from her and we’ll have all the information including the link to the infographic in the show notes thank you so much, Lauran. Thank you guys, until next time goodbye
When I started homeschooling many years ago, one of my main goals was to raise readers. As an avid reader myself, I’ve always understood the value of reading. It expands our vocabulary, teaches us, ignites our imagination, challenges us, transports us to amazing worlds, and so much more.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to teach my girls everything, but if they could read well and enjoyed the process, they would be able to learn anything they wanted to. So I did whatever I could to make reading exciting and accessible. Here are ways to nudge your child toward becoming a lifelong reader.
Create a Book Loving Home
First, it’s important that our children know that we, as parents, think books are important. In our home, we have multiple bookshelves that are filled with a variety of books. Our Kindle ereaders get frequent attention. Library trips were (and still are) frequent and positive. We invest in a literature-rich homeschool curriculum.
My husband and I read regularly, so our kids see us getting caught up in stories and hear us discuss what we’re reading. Remember that our kids tend to value what we value.
What if you’ve done all you can think of and your child still doesn’t like to read? It’s time to ask yourself some questions.
Could your child have a learning disability, like dyslexia, that makes reading hard for him? Sure, we should all challenge ourselves by reading difficult books, but every time we pick up a story, it shouldn’t be a chore.
We’re lucky that today, more than ever, there’s help available for those who have trouble reading. If this is an issue for your child, I would encourage you to seek assistance instead of deciding that he’s just never going to be a good reader.
Is your child a slow reader? Sometimes, especially with longer books, it’s hard to keep motivated when it seems to take forever to finish. Is he slow because he’s having trouble focusing? Is the story or vocabulary too challenging?
Think about what can be done to break down any barriers for him. Reading isn’t a race, but see if you can help him pick up his pace, so he doesn’t get frustrated or lose interest while reading.
Does she find the books she is reading boring? Do you let her choose her own books or is she regularly assigned reading material? Maybe she just hasn’t found the right subject to ignite her passion.
Sure, children have to read books for school, even if they find them boring. Just make sure that you’re encouraging her to read for pleasure as well.
4 More Tips for Turning a Non-Reader into a Reader
If the act of reading is challenging for your child, turn to audio books. By listening to books, instead of reading them, they can still develop the passion for the stories without having to struggle.
Introduce your child to a wide variety of books. Encourage her to explore the various genres and topics to find one that excites her. Make up a list and each time you go to the library, have her choose one or two different types. You both might be surprised by what grabs her attention!
Make sure your child is reading books that are at the right level for him. Books that are too hard or too easy can turn off a child’s interest. Challenge him to move up his reading material as he grows, but don’t jump so far ahead that every page is difficult for him to understand.
Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that homeschooling or following any of these tips will raise a reader. However, instead of throwing in the towel claiming, “my child’s just not a reader,” persevere in your efforts to turn your non-reader into a reader. Some readers bloom later than others! And your investment may pay off in years to come.
About the Author
Megan Zechman is a veteran homeschool mom of two girls. Over at Education Possible, she shares creative, hands-on learning activities for middle school.
